Your Primary Dysfunctional Relational Style is:

BOUNDARYLESS AND ONE DOWN

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Start your journey towards a healthier relational style

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The Relationship Grid

We all have our own default patterns of how we relate with our partners when we are triggered. This default reaction often stems from our childhood and, when at our worst, is an exaggerated version of how our teenager self might respond.

The good news is that with conscious effort, this pattern can be changed! We are not beholden to it, nor must we be captured by it.

The following grid can help us understand our relational dynamics—both in how we sabotage the health of our partnership and what actions we can take to move toward greater and more satisfying intimacy.

The horizontal axis represents boundaries. The vertical axis represents self-esteem.

A healthy relationship is where a balanced version of these two skills intersect. This means each partner is both connected and protected and comes from the belief that all humans are equal in worth.

As you reflect upon the following, we invite you to forgive your human imperfections and practice self-compassion as you build and strengthen the muscles required for a healthy partnership.

Understanding Your Primary Dysfunctional Relational Style - Boundaryless and One Down

In its most extreme form, this quadrant is represented by desperation and neediness.

To move toward health (represented by the center circle) you’ll want to build up your self-esteem and reel yourself in. Put up your external boundary by recognizing that the way someone else feels or acts cannot define who you are. 

Having healthy self-esteem means holding yourself in warm regard despite your human imperfections: “I am enough, and I matter”. It is the belief that you have inherent worth just because you are a living, breathing human being.

And the more you embody this belief, the more positive changes you will start seeing in your life.

Remember: you are stronger than you think you are. Even if the worst happens, you are resilient enough to survive—and you can figure things out on your own. 

All it takes is prioritizing your self-worth and values over anyone else’s. It is completely possible to stand up for yourself while still being a good, collaborative partner in your relationship.

It’s easier to learn this in theory than in reality, but with practice, you will become more skilled. 

Question is: Are you ready to do something about it?

Think about your ideal relationship… then think about the one you have now.

Does it come close to what you wish it could be? Or is it far from perfect, perhaps even filled with regret?

Maybe your relationship is full of high highs and lows. And since it can be stressful, it’s easier to manipulate your partner instead of telling it to them straight—no matter how desperate you feel.

But that’s okay, because it’s better to be in a relationship than to be alone. Sure, you and your partner keep fighting and it can get really toxic. But that’s just the price you have to pay, right?

Here’s the truth: The quality of your connection determines the quality of your life. And the costs of an unhappy, dysfunctional relationship may not catch up with you until it’s too late.

Volatile, angry relationships can decimate your physical health. And staying with a toxic partner isn’t just terrible for your self-esteem—it can spell long-term unhappiness and lack of fulfillment.

However, there IS a way forward. It all starts with creating a deep, authentic connection with yourself first, and your partner second.

As a relationship therapist for more than 30 years, I’ve helped individuals and couples confront their trauma, understand how it served them, and learn the powerful tools to evolve past them.

The result is nothing short of transformative. My clients learn to resolve conflicts more effectively, become more loving and compassionate partners, and show up as their best selves.

Historically speaking, we’ve never wanted more from our relationships than we do right now. We crave more closeness and connection, but most of us don’t have the skills yet to pull it off. 

Yet thanks to decades of research, now everyone can learn the skills to help them reconnect to themselves and their partner, and build intimacy that lasts a lifetime.

Are you ready to experience true, relational joy with the people you love—and create the relationship you desire?

Think about your ideal relationship… then think about the one you have now.

Does it come close to what you wish it could be? Or is it far from perfect, perhaps even filled with regret?

Maybe your relationship is full of high highs and lows. And since it can be stressful, it’s easier to manipulate your partner instead of telling it to them straight—no matter how desperate you feel.

But that’s okay, because it’s better to be in a relationship than to be alone. Sure, you and your partner keep fighting and it can get really toxic. But that’s just the price you have to pay, right?

Here’s the truth: The quality of your connection determines the quality of your life. And the costs of an unhappy, dysfunctional relationship may not catch up with you until it’s too late.

Volatile, angry relationships can decimate your physical health. And staying with a toxic partner isn’t just terrible for your self-esteem—it can spell long-term unhappiness and lack of fulfillment.

However, there IS a way forward. It all starts with creating a deep, authentic connection with yourself first, and your partner second.

As a relationship therapist for more than 30 years, I’ve helped individuals and couples confront their trauma, understand how it served them, and learn the powerful tools to evolve past them.

The result is nothing short of transformative. My clients learn to resolve conflicts more effectively, become more loving and compassionate partners, and show up as their best selves.

Historically speaking, we’ve never wanted more from our relationships than we do right now. We crave more closeness and connection, but most of us don’t have the skills yet to pull it off. 

Yet thanks to decades of research, now everyone can learn the skills to help them reconnect to themselves and their partner, and build intimacy that lasts a lifetime.

Are you ready to experience true, relational joy with the people you love—and create the relationship you desire?

Introducing: The Us Workshops Course

My brand-new program that gives you the roadmap and toolbox of skills you need to heal past trauma, become a better partner and individual, and create the happy, healthy relationship you deserve.

This course is the natural continuation of my new book, Us: Getting Past You & Me to Build a More Loving Relationship. It empowers you to put into practice the Relational Life Therapy tools I’ve used to help thousands of couples and individuals transform their relationships.

In 5 weeks, you will learn new mental models to effectively relate to your partner—from better ways to assert your needs to proven strategies for resolving conflict.

Starting with the roadmap, you’ll assess how you currently operate from your trauma-triggered, adaptive Inner Child so you can start moving towards your prefrontal cortex, Wise Adult Self.

You’ll gain clarity on your self-defeating patterns, understand how they were informed by specific childhood and life experiences, and unlearn them to create better responses in their place.

Once that map has been laid out, we’ll open the toolbox of skills to explore a new way of relating. You will learn to shift from a mindset of “you versus me” to “us versus the problem.”

Through expert guidance and a supportive community, you will learn how to tap into your inner wisdom and access your capacity for deep connection and intimacy. 

With this program, I invite you today on a unique journey toward fierce intimacy where your relationship won’t simply be good—it will be phenomenal. 

Are you ready to start creating the relationship of your dreams?

How the Us Workshops Course Will Work

Improving any relationship has 3 main steps: 

  1. Confronting trauma triggers and the life experiences that shaped them.
  2. Doing the trauma work to unpack these triggers and move past them.
  3. Learning the effective relational strategies to use when these triggers arise.

Over the course of this 5-week program, you’ll gain a deep understanding of the neurobiology of trauma and your prevalent attachment style, so you can release your unprocessed trauma in a safe, affirming way.

Each week, you’ll learn the research-backed strategies you need to create the changes within yourself and your relationship that will break the cycle of toxic relational patterns and create a more harmonious, enjoyable connection.

With lifetime access that allows you to undergo the process as many times as needed, you can look forward to the support you need within the core curriculum, relationship summit recordings, supplementary resources, and a supportive community, for life. 

Most importantly, you will get direct access to group coaching call recordings. Each session is 1 hour of additional content from me with 30 minutes of Q&A with past students.

All of this comes together to provide you with a powerful, transformative experience. Join us now and start creating your ideal relationship today.

How the Us Workshops Course Will Work

Improving any relationship has 3 main steps: 

  1. Confronting trauma triggers and the life experiences that shaped them.
  2. Doing the trauma work to unpack these triggers and move past them.
  3. Learning the effective relational strategies to use when these triggers arise.

Over the course of this 5-week program, you’ll gain a deep understanding of the neurobiology of trauma and your prevalent attachment style, so you can release your unprocessed trauma in a safe, affirming way.

Each week, you’ll learn the research-backed strategies you need to create the changes within yourself and your relationship that will break the cycle of toxic relational patterns and create a more harmonious, enjoyable connection.

With lifetime access that allows you to undergo the process as many times as needed, you can look forward to the support you need within the core curriculum, relationship summit recordings, supplementary resources, and a supportive community, for life. 

Most importantly, you will get direct access to group coaching call recordings. Each session is 1 hour of additional content from me with 30 minutes of Q&A with past students.

All of this comes together to provide you with a powerful, transformative experience. Join us now and start creating your ideal relationship today.

Explore The 5-Module Curriculum

One of the most incredible things about the Us Workshops is that it’s grounded in Relational Life Therapy principles, which connect the individual context of your personal relationships to the biological, social, and spiritual contexts in which they exist and evolve.

We’ll unpack the events at play in your neurobiology, neurochemistry, and nervous system when your trauma responses are triggered. We’ll also dive deeper into the gender scripts and constructs that contribute to the dynamics of your relationship.

And from a broader perspective, we’ll explore how the forces of individualism, patriarchy, and humanity’s disconnection from nature make it harder to sustain closeness in the modern world.

All of these will inform the work you’ll do in the program for a comprehensive, holistic approach that starts at the root of the problem and addresses systemic concerns as a whole. 

By the end of this program, you will be able to create a harmonious relationship; develop lifelong relational skills; have lasting inner happiness and peace; feel more whole and connected; and create a better future for yourself and your relationship.

Module 1:

‘You and I’ vs ‘Us’

In the first module, you’ll understand the difference between 'You and I' vs 'Us' consciousness and why it’s important for happiness; and how to build a strong sense of purpose behind working on your relationships. We’ll explore how individualism and patriarchy shape our current world, how relationality has shaped your thinking, and how to start applying relational consciousness.

Meet Terry Real

Terry Real is an internationally recognized family therapist, acclaimed speaker and best-selling author. As the founder of the Relational Life Institute (RLI), Terry and his team have offered workshops for couples, individuals and parents all across the US, along with a professional training program for clinicians wanting to learn his Relational Life Therapy (RLT) methodology. 

A family therapist and teacher for more than twenty five years, Terry is the best-selling author of: I Don’t Want to Talk About It: Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male Depression (Scribner, 1997), the straight-talking How Can I Get Through to You? Reconnecting Men and Women (Scribner, 2002), and most recently The New Rules of Marriage: What You Need to Make Love Work (Random House).

With its rigorous commonsense approach, Terry’s work speaks to both men and women—leading couples on a step-by-step journey to greater intimacy and greater personal fulfillment. His ideas on men’s issues and on couples therapy have also been celebrated in various venues and publications—from Good Morning America, The Today Show and 20/20, to Oprah and The New York Times.

Terry has been passionately committed for decades about giving individuals and couples both a map and a sophisticated toolkit for living truly relational lives—lives of deep connection to themselves, to the people they love, and to the planet as a whole.

As part of his commitment to helping people become more conscious, thoughtful and intenttional individuals, he hopes that with this free summit, anyone can finally begin the journey towards creating the relationships that they deserve.

As seen on:

About Terry Real

Terry Real is an internationally recognized family therapist, acclaimed speaker and best-selling author. As the founder of the Relational Life Institute (RLI), Terry and his team have offered workshops for couples, individuals and parents all across the US, along with a professional training program for clinicians wanting to learn his Relational Life Therapy (RLT) methodology. 

A senior faculty member of The Family Institute of Cambridge in Massachusetts and a retired clinical fellow of The Meadows Institute in Arizona, Terry has worked with thousands of individuals, couples, and fellow therapists for more than two decades.

A family therapist and teacher for more than twenty five years, Terry is the best-selling author of: I Don’t Want to Talk About It: Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male Depression (Scribner, 1997), the straight-talking How Can I Get Through to You? Reconnecting Men and Women (Scribner, 2002), and most recently The New Rules of Marriage: What You Need to Make Love Work (Random House).

With its rigorous commonsense approach, Terry’s work speaks to both men and women—leading couples on a step-by-step journey to greater intimacy and greater personal fulfillment. His ideas on men’s issues and on couples therapy have also been celebrated in various venues and publications—from Good Morning America, The Today Show and 20/20, to Oprah and The New York Times.

Terry has been passionately committed for decades about giving individuals and couples both a map and a sophisticated toolkit for living truly relational lives—lives of deep connection to themselves, to the people they love, and to the planet as a whole.

As part of his commitment to helping people become more conscious, thoughtful and intenttional individuals, he hopes that with this free summit, anyone can finally begin the journey towards creating the relationships that they deserve.

As seen on:

What People Say About Terry Real

“Terry Real helps overturn old-fashioned, confining roles and opens up a treasury of hope for lasting and exciting intimacy for couples everywhere.”

– Edward Hallowell, M.D., author of Crazy Busy

“Falling in love is easy, staying in love is another matter. Couples yearning for more closeness are truly in uncharted territory . . . until now, that is. Terry offers amazing new insights about men and women and what it takes to make relationships work in our ever-changing culture.”

–Michele Weiner-Davis, MSW, author of Divorce Busting

“If you’re tired of the same old dance, get ready to learn a few new steps—real steps—the ones that will make a difference in your life and the lives of those you love.”

– Cheryl Richardson, author of Life Makeovers

What You Get When You Join Today

Regular Price: $299

$250 off for the next 

Days
Hours
Minutes
Seconds
Yours Only For:$49

Receive lifetime access to the entire program and all bonuses, along with a 30-day money-back guarantee, when you enroll today.

What People Say About the Relational Life Therapy Method

“Before learning Terry Real’s model I’d work with couples to problem-solve their dilemmas of the day. I always had misgivings about the long-term potential of my work because I didn’t know how to move in deeper to address with them their relational processes. Now, having Terry’s model for teaching clients healthy relating, I have guidelines to help them perform the modest miracle of personal transformation on a permanent level.”

– R.D., student of Terry Real's professional training

“Terry Real helps overturn old-fashioned, confining roles and opens up a treasury of hope for lasting and exciting intimacy for couples everywhere.”

– Edward Hallowell, M.D., author of Crazy Busy

“Falling in love is easy, staying in love is another matter. Couples yearning for more closeness are truly in uncharted territory . . . until now, that is. Terry offers amazing new insights about men and women and what it takes to make relationships work in our ever-changing culture.”

– Michele Weiner-Davis, MSW, author of Divorce Busting

Bonuses Included When You Join Today

$180 Value

BONUS #1: The Healing Power of Relationships Summit Recordings

Get lifetime access to all 30 sessions of The Healing Power of Relationships Summit. Use them to dive deeper into any topic thanks to our incredible line-up of speakers. This is a great way to support your learning experience in the Us Workshops program.

$199 Value

BONUS #2: Private Community

Through this safe space, you can be vulnerable, open up about your problems, and share your breakthroughs in our supportive community. Connect with like-minded individuals on a similar journey and make the most of your experience by joining us in the group.

$600 Value

BONUS #3: 6 Pre-Recorded Q&A Sessions with Terry

To provide even more support, I’ve recorded my live group coaching sessions with our first batch of students in the program. In these calls, I give more context to the modules in a Q&A with students while dispensing advice on specific relationship concerns.

Total Value: $979

Yours Today for FREE

You're Protected With Our 30-Day Money-Back Guarantee

I know that $249 is a significant investment in yourself and your future. You might not be sure that this program will work or what makes it so different from the other things you may have tried in the past. That’s perfectly understandable.

To prove that this will be the single best investment you can make for yourself and your potential, you’re eligible for our 30-day money-back guarantee as soon as you enroll.

If after 30 days you don’t feel this is the right program for you, then you’ll receive a 100% refund on the program. There are no tricks or hidden cancellations pages, just email our team, and we’ll immediately arrange your refund.

Once you join today the guarantee will automatically apply.

What You Get When You Join Today

Regular Price: $299

$250 off for the next 

Days
Hours
Minutes
Seconds
Yours Only For:$49

Receive lifetime access to the entire program and all bonuses, along with a 30-day money-back guarantee, when you enroll today.

What People Say About the Relational Life Therapy Method

“If you’re tired of the same old dance, get ready to learn a few new steps real steps the ones that will make a difference in your life and the lives of those you love.”

– Cheryl Richardson, author of Life Makeovers

“Terry’s work provided foundations of “telling the truth” to clients. I did it easily with individuals, but stumbled with couples. Now I LOVE working with couples. It is now always profoundly moving & instructive.”

- Jeanne O

“You have lots of ideas that are very useful with couple work – particularly with the male client. I love your stuff about gender discourses and boundaries, asking clearly for what you need from your partner.”

- Claire O

Frequently Asked Questions

What You Get When You Join Today

Regular Price: $299

$250 off for the next 

Days
Hours
Minutes
Seconds
Yours Only For:$49

Receive lifetime access to the entire program and all bonuses, along with a 30-day money-back guarantee, when you enroll today.